Uncomfortability

Growing isn't easy.  Anyone who tells you different is selling something.  Anyone who's out of puberty can tell you that growing is downright painful at times.  And I'm not just talking about "relationships" falling apart, or your ideal boy/girlfriend getting a significant other (I'm still waiting for Kelly Kapowski to ask me out).  I remember coming home from cross country or track practice and having my legs just absolutely ache after a long run.  I used to think that the long runs were the culprit, but then I'd get the same aches on days where I did absolutely no running.  It turns out getting longer makes your bones hurt.  Who knew growing at an astonishing rate could actually cause physical pain?

  I bring up this painful adolescent memory because it's how I feel about today's post.  I couldn't, for the longest time this morning, figure out how I was going to write this post.  Maybe it's that I don't have as firm a grasp on the concept of forgiveness as I thought I did.  Maybe it's that the Old Testament has some wacky ideas about forgiveness.  I don't think the latter is true.  Our God is unchanging, so it stands to reason that in His forgiveness He is unchanging also, but the modes change.  Well, let me let you read it for yourselves and you'll see what I mean.  Exodus 34:6-7:

 6 Then the LORD passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth;

7  who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives (nasah; Heb. to life, carry, take)  iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.” 

  It really doesn't seem like an all that forgiving passage.  Doesn't forgiving mean letting go of the wrongdoing?  I struggled to come up with a good lesson from that.  So basically, God will forgive you, but don't test Him for too long or your kids and their kids will pay the price.  Amen!  Good blog.  Thanks for reading!

   Just kidding.  I couldn't bring the above section of Scripture in line with what I know about God.  I couldn't justify believing in a God who says He's patient and in the very next sentence seems vindictive.  Thankfully, that's why God puts His words in context, always in context.  If you go back to Exodus 20:5 you find this:

5 You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, 

  Got it now?  No?  There's a formula here.  God is giving Moses the Ten Commandments to then give to the nation of Israel.  This verse is part of the second commandment which states that they were not to worship any idol.  By the way, it was preceded by "You shall have no other gods before me."  And this is what God goes on to say in verse 6 of chapter 20:


 6  but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments. 

  Does that sound familiar?  It should because it's exactly what God says in chapter 34.  So why the repetition?  Well, you have to realize what happened in the chapters between Exodus 20 and 34. 

   Moses goes up to hear from God.  He doesn't come back for six weeks.  He's up there getting The Law, but the people are getting nervous.  Moses comes down off the mountain (at God's prompting) to find that Israel has melted down their gold and started worshiping a golden calf idol.  Moses breaks the tablets that hold the commandments and they move on from Mt. Sinai, but God does not go among them.  He meets only with Moses inside of a tent outside of the main Israelite camp.  A little later on God commands Moses to carve out two more tablets.  That's a huge paraphrase of what was happening.  It's a huge story with lots of challenging lessons mixed in over and over again. 

  This is where the pain sets in for me.  The growing pain, I mean.  My God is unconditionally forgiving.  But He's also unconditionally just.  He's ever patient, but also jealous.  He wants us to follow after Him, to listen to Him, to be changed by Him.  One of my favorite Hebrew words is in those verses.  We know it as lovingkindness.  In Hebrew it's chesed.  It literally means goodness/kindness, but of the persistent type.  It never ends.  He is forever good, and this word is found littered throughout the OT in describing God.  And yet, if I use me as a standard "visiting iniquity to the third and fourth generations" doesn't seem that good.  That's why I'm not the standard.

  Goodness doesn't necessarily mean letting people off with no consequences.  Especially those who feel they're entitled to forgiveness.  Goodness sometimes means letting people feel the full weight of their sin.  Man, I hate that sentence.  I hate feeling the weight of what I've brought on myself, and yet, sometimes that's what we need in order to see His goodness.  I know how backwards that sounds.  Sometimes His goodness can only be expressed by making us come to the end of ourselves.  Sometimes He has to destroy in order to rebuild.  I love how that little part of Exodus 34 ends.  Moses realizes what God is saying, and makes this profound plea for his people:

8 Moses made haste to bow low toward the earth and worship.  

9 He said," If now I have found favor in Your sight, O Lord, I pray, let the Lord go along in our midst, even though the people are obstinate, and pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us as Your own possession."

  I hope I can remember that prayer in the middle of my failings.  I know that in spite of my obstinance, God forgives.  I hope that I let Him take me as His own possession.  No matter what pain comes my way, He's the only One who can soothe the ache.