Not Really Worthy

  I had a whole post typed out today.  It was mostly just complaining.  You see, I'm in a terrible mood today.  No rhyme, no reason.  Just felt like making every one else miserable today. 

  I was driving to get something healthy to eat for lunch.  On my way to Hardy's, I came up behind my favorite type of person, the slow left lane driver.  Words uttered forth from my mouth pertaining to what I thought about this particular driver.  They were not nice.  Funny thing is I was listening to my iPod at that very instant, and only moments before I had been singing along to Needtobreathe.  The line that I had just sang was:

Let the songs I sing bring joy to You
Let the words I say confess my love
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune
Father, let my heart be after You 

  While this line isn't really pertaining to our interactions with others, it IS a prayer from the bottom of my heart.  I immediately realized why slow left lane driver was doing what they were doing.  They were apprehensive of a semi in the right lane.  I remember my mom saying when I was a kid, "I hate passing semi's.  They're always so scary."  Maybe SLLD (that's right, feel free to use that) had a similar fear.  Even if it wasn't a fear of semi's, I don't know their story.  Who knows why they're driving that way?  It's really just irrelevant.  I was just impatient and was inconvenienced for an extra minute and a half.  If that person could know who I am, and what I do, and what expletive I had just used to describe them, what would they think of Jesus.  

   My next thought was, "Ugh.  I am not worthy to represent You.  I am so sorry."  Great sentiment, but you know what happened next?  I went home and treated everybody in my basement (my wife and in-laws who are visiting) like junk.  The shame didn't last long. 

  I spent the better part of this afternoon struggling with this.  Like I said, I had a whole post typed out.  It was going to just rail against all sorts of things.  But none of it had anything to do with that brief minute where God let me see what I was really doing to those who were around me.  I was just going to complain about all the things that were pissing me off today, and, oh well, maybe God's going to make something great out of it. 

  God already made a profound statement today, trouble is I didn't want to really be changed by it.  I'm not really worthy to be identified with Him.  I don't deserve that.  And yet He identifies me as His.  Even when I don't live up to the great Name that calls me.

Father, let my heart be after You.