Friday, July 8, 2011
Leveling Up
If you're reading this, you probably haven't read that I've moved! My blog can now be found at ottmur.com. Head on over and enjoy!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Growing Angry
I would have to say that one of my biggest struggles is anger. I get upset pretty easy. It's my default emotion I think. It's at this point that I feel like I need to warn you: The blog is about to make a nerdy left turn.
I play games in my free time. I'm not talking about Yahtzee or Scrabble. Those are both great games, but I'm referring to video games. The interesting thing about playing online with people is that the sinful nature can very easily take you over. Most of the time for me this looks (sounds) like a burst of pure verbal sewage pouring from some great sin reservoir I have. It's rather embarrassing, and my wife hates it. Truth be told, I hate it too. It's just easier to get angry than to deal with not winning at something!
Let me set something straight right now, gaming is not the only thing that makes me angry. There are lots of things that make me want to exact justice on some peeps, but it's not like I'm a Neil version of the Hulk running around hoping to smash and maim whatever gets in my path and looks at me funny. Other drivers, for instance, make me angry even when I'm driving the exact same way. Injustice, it ticks me off. People not heeding others feelings, thoughts, ideas, well-being makes me almost homicidal, even though I do all of those on a daily basis. I've wondered sometimes why I get so angry, for just and unjust reasons. I realized a while back that the reason is that if God created us in His image, then that means that the range of our emotions must also be created in His image. Unfortunately, the fall must have warped what was a powerful agent to see justice prevail into a base emotion that roils and burns when it shouldn't.
I came to today's passage and was quickly reminded of this. I know that when people are trying to come up with arguments for why they don't believe in God that this passage could probably be used to make their case. On the surface, it looks like at the best God is a manic depressive creep who's ready to wipe out the people He supposedly loves in a heart-beat upon their tiniest of infractions. He certainly burns with anger in the passage I looked at, but if we're honest with ourselves, we can't fathom this type of anger. We only get a glimpse of how God's anger must work. We get such an imperfect example of how it's supposed to be if we use our own anger as the standard. Our anger burns when Starbucks gets our order wrong, and I'm sure the lightning would fly if we were in charge. Poor baristas. They always get the smiting shaft. But God's anger is perfect because He is perfect. Think about that for a second. It doesn't make sense in our frame of reference. This is what Number 14:10-12 says:
10 But all the congregation said to stone them with stones. Then the glory of the LORD appeared in the tent of meeting to all the sons of Israel.
11 The LORD said to Moses, "How long will this people spurn Me? And how long will they not believe in Me, despite all the signs which I have performed in their midst?
12 I will smite them with pestilence and dispossess them, and I will make you into a nation greater and mightier than they."
So how did this come about? The spies returning from the promised land with the report that the nation of Israel faced a tough challenge. There were giants, and conquering them doesn't look like it's going to be feasible. The people being the wonderfully trusting individuals they are respond by putting a plan together. A plan to pick a new leader and walk back to Egypt. Moses and his brother Aaron fall to the ground in supplication because this can only end up one way. They begin to pray for Israel. Two of the spies challenge the nation's thinking. Joshua and Caleb tell them how it is. God is for them, why be afraid? If God has told them to go into the land and take it for their own, then why be fall back now. Who are you trusting Israel? Your own might or God's protection and blessing? The people did not like this. They wanted the easy path. How dare these youth challenge their brilliant plan!? So they go to stone Caleb and Joshua. God shows up and addresses Moses. "I've done a lot for these people. How long will this continue? Tell you what, I'll thin the herd and start over again. I'll start with you faithful few." Do you understand how angry God is right now? In the midst of their idiocy God reveals to the nation that He's fed up. He's ready to wipe the slate and start again. Will the faithful rise to the occasion or will they fall in line with the dissenters and crash and burn, probably literally?
You see Moses and Aaron knew how God would respond to this. Maybe not exactly, but they knew He wasn't going to be happy. Moses spent so much time conversing with God on a personal level. He understood how the latest round of insubordinance would play out. The Bible says Moses and God spoke "face to face, as a man speaks with his friend." (Exo. 33:11) That's why they fell in supplication to God. They were displaying the proper position the nation should have been taking. Laying themselves at God's feet to be used how He desired. Moses knows His God, and knows how serious He truly is about the proposition. Moses knows though that God's name and character are on the line with this experiment called Israel on a global scale, and he knows that God loves His people. It's why the LORD's reacting the way He is. He chose them to represent Him and to eventually reconcile the world to Himself. God wishes to be glorified through His creation, and wants to see if there's anyone who desires the same thing. So he lets the LORD know that he desires to see God glorified through those who fail to trust Him. This is what Moses says in the presence of the nation (Numbers 14-13-19):
13 But Moses said to the LORD, "Then the Egyptians will hear of it, for by Your strength You brought up this people from their midst,
14 and they will tell it to the inhabitants of this land. They have heard that You, O LORD, are in the midst of this people, for You, O LORD, are seen eye to eye, while Your cloud stands over them; and You go before them in a pillar of cloud by day and in a pillar of fire by night.
15 Now if You slay this people as one man, then the nations who have heard of Your fame will say,
16 'Because the LORD could not bring this people into the land which He promised them by oath, therefore He slaughtered them in the wilderness.'
17 But now, I pray, let the power of the Lord be great, just as You have declared,
18 'The LORD is slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, forgiving(nasah; Heb. to lift, carry, take) iniquity and transgression; but He will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generations.
19 Pardon (salach; Heb. to forgive, pardon), I pray, the iniquity of this people according to the greatness of Your lovingkindness, just as You also have forgiven (nasah; Heb. to lift, carry, take) this people, from Egypt even until now.
Moses knows His God. He knows that God didn't have to say a word. He could have wiped them out and replaced the family of Abraham with the family of Moses without a second thought. But God showed up to teach them some important lessons.
1.) The LORD needs no one, but He chooses to use the broken, ugly, petty, and imperfect to be glorified.
2.) We're all being refined by a Consuming Fire. How well we endure is dependent on our trust in Him.
3.) He will defend those who follow His will and trust Him unflinchingly.
His standard is justice. He wasn't going to let the rabble-rousers win. He wasn't going to sit idly by while the righteous were beaten and killed for standing up for His name and glory. He wanted, especially the ones He had called to be His, to know that. It was so that when people stood to lead them towards God's promise and not away that they would know the difference between the two. I can't say the same for my own anger. I don't think my anger has ever led anyone to glorify God, but I could be wrong.
I know that I haven't always lived up to His standard. I just pray the next time red starts to course through my veins that I remember why that impulse is there. That I am imprinted with One who knows what it is to be angry, and what it is let that anger lead to glorification.
I play games in my free time. I'm not talking about Yahtzee or Scrabble. Those are both great games, but I'm referring to video games. The interesting thing about playing online with people is that the sinful nature can very easily take you over. Most of the time for me this looks (sounds) like a burst of pure verbal sewage pouring from some great sin reservoir I have. It's rather embarrassing, and my wife hates it. Truth be told, I hate it too. It's just easier to get angry than to deal with not winning at something!
Let me set something straight right now, gaming is not the only thing that makes me angry. There are lots of things that make me want to exact justice on some peeps, but it's not like I'm a Neil version of the Hulk running around hoping to smash and maim whatever gets in my path and looks at me funny. Other drivers, for instance, make me angry even when I'm driving the exact same way. Injustice, it ticks me off. People not heeding others feelings, thoughts, ideas, well-being makes me almost homicidal, even though I do all of those on a daily basis. I've wondered sometimes why I get so angry, for just and unjust reasons. I realized a while back that the reason is that if God created us in His image, then that means that the range of our emotions must also be created in His image. Unfortunately, the fall must have warped what was a powerful agent to see justice prevail into a base emotion that roils and burns when it shouldn't.
I came to today's passage and was quickly reminded of this. I know that when people are trying to come up with arguments for why they don't believe in God that this passage could probably be used to make their case. On the surface, it looks like at the best God is a manic depressive creep who's ready to wipe out the people He supposedly loves in a heart-beat upon their tiniest of infractions. He certainly burns with anger in the passage I looked at, but if we're honest with ourselves, we can't fathom this type of anger. We only get a glimpse of how God's anger must work. We get such an imperfect example of how it's supposed to be if we use our own anger as the standard. Our anger burns when Starbucks gets our order wrong, and I'm sure the lightning would fly if we were in charge. Poor baristas. They always get the smiting shaft. But God's anger is perfect because He is perfect. Think about that for a second. It doesn't make sense in our frame of reference. This is what Number 14:10-12 says:
10 But all the congregation said to stone them with stones. Then the glory of the LORD appeared in the tent of meeting to all the sons of Israel.
11 The LORD said to Moses, "How long will this people spurn Me? And how long will they not believe in Me, despite all the signs which I have performed in their midst?
12 I will smite them with pestilence and dispossess them, and I will make you into a nation greater and mightier than they."
So how did this come about? The spies returning from the promised land with the report that the nation of Israel faced a tough challenge. There were giants, and conquering them doesn't look like it's going to be feasible. The people being the wonderfully trusting individuals they are respond by putting a plan together. A plan to pick a new leader and walk back to Egypt. Moses and his brother Aaron fall to the ground in supplication because this can only end up one way. They begin to pray for Israel. Two of the spies challenge the nation's thinking. Joshua and Caleb tell them how it is. God is for them, why be afraid? If God has told them to go into the land and take it for their own, then why be fall back now. Who are you trusting Israel? Your own might or God's protection and blessing? The people did not like this. They wanted the easy path. How dare these youth challenge their brilliant plan!? So they go to stone Caleb and Joshua. God shows up and addresses Moses. "I've done a lot for these people. How long will this continue? Tell you what, I'll thin the herd and start over again. I'll start with you faithful few." Do you understand how angry God is right now? In the midst of their idiocy God reveals to the nation that He's fed up. He's ready to wipe the slate and start again. Will the faithful rise to the occasion or will they fall in line with the dissenters and crash and burn, probably literally?
You see Moses and Aaron knew how God would respond to this. Maybe not exactly, but they knew He wasn't going to be happy. Moses spent so much time conversing with God on a personal level. He understood how the latest round of insubordinance would play out. The Bible says Moses and God spoke "face to face, as a man speaks with his friend." (Exo. 33:11) That's why they fell in supplication to God. They were displaying the proper position the nation should have been taking. Laying themselves at God's feet to be used how He desired. Moses knows His God, and knows how serious He truly is about the proposition. Moses knows though that God's name and character are on the line with this experiment called Israel on a global scale, and he knows that God loves His people. It's why the LORD's reacting the way He is. He chose them to represent Him and to eventually reconcile the world to Himself. God wishes to be glorified through His creation, and wants to see if there's anyone who desires the same thing. So he lets the LORD know that he desires to see God glorified through those who fail to trust Him. This is what Moses says in the presence of the nation (Numbers 14-13-19):
13 But Moses said to the LORD, "Then the Egyptians will hear of it, for by Your strength You brought up this people from their midst,
14 and they will tell it to the inhabitants of this land. They have heard that You, O LORD, are in the midst of this people, for You, O LORD, are seen eye to eye, while Your cloud stands over them; and You go before them in a pillar of cloud by day and in a pillar of fire by night.
15 Now if You slay this people as one man, then the nations who have heard of Your fame will say,
16 'Because the LORD could not bring this people into the land which He promised them by oath, therefore He slaughtered them in the wilderness.'
17 But now, I pray, let the power of the Lord be great, just as You have declared,
18 'The LORD is slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, forgiving(nasah; Heb. to lift, carry, take) iniquity and transgression; but He will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generations.
19 Pardon (salach; Heb. to forgive, pardon), I pray, the iniquity of this people according to the greatness of Your lovingkindness, just as You also have forgiven (nasah; Heb. to lift, carry, take) this people, from Egypt even until now.
Moses knows His God. He knows that God didn't have to say a word. He could have wiped them out and replaced the family of Abraham with the family of Moses without a second thought. But God showed up to teach them some important lessons.
1.) The LORD needs no one, but He chooses to use the broken, ugly, petty, and imperfect to be glorified.
2.) We're all being refined by a Consuming Fire. How well we endure is dependent on our trust in Him.
3.) He will defend those who follow His will and trust Him unflinchingly.
His standard is justice. He wasn't going to let the rabble-rousers win. He wasn't going to sit idly by while the righteous were beaten and killed for standing up for His name and glory. He wanted, especially the ones He had called to be His, to know that. It was so that when people stood to lead them towards God's promise and not away that they would know the difference between the two. I can't say the same for my own anger. I don't think my anger has ever led anyone to glorify God, but I could be wrong.
I know that I haven't always lived up to His standard. I just pray the next time red starts to course through my veins that I remember why that impulse is there. That I am imprinted with One who knows what it is to be angry, and what it is let that anger lead to glorification.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Not Always What you Expect
Before I begin let me just say that I'm sorry I took the last couple of days off. My July 4 was really fun hanging out with the Mackrills and the Braggs, shooting fireworks, and becoming a hero to a four year old. July 5 was a vacation day and I just got lazy.
This entry is going to be an emotional one for me. You see, on Monday I also went to my uncle's house. It's an amazing house in North Omaha that he purchased a little under a year ago. It was pretty run down and he's done a lot of really neat work to it. It looks absolutely amazing. It wasn't just the carpentry and paint that left me speechless though.
I guess I should start with a little back story. Every once and a while, when I was in high school, we would go to Omaha (from Atkinson) and visit my uncle Tom. When we'd arrive we'd be greeted by Tom and this precocious little red-headed kid. That kid was my cousin Eddie. He was so full of energy, and by energy I mean "power Vegas for a century" type energy. This may sound horrible, but in my teenage coolness, I found it annoying. I probably forgot what it was like to be six years old, or maybe I was just too cool for school. I don't know. I just remember not wanting to be there, or wanting desperately to not be hanging out with someone either way older or way younger than me. It came down to nothing more than me being immature.
It's when I look back on things like this that I wish I was more like my father. My dad is awesome when it comes to kids. It doesn't even matter who's kids they are. It doesn't matter how annoying, hyper, or crazy they are, he just patiently loves on them. It's one of the major examples that I can think of for seeing how Jesus is lived out through a person. I can still see my dad messing around with Eddie, just goofing around. I'm pretty sure that it seemed like a lot of fun. And yet, I still couldn't get out of my own way to see the amazing person that Eddie was becoming.
For a lot of years I lost track of family. And it was for no other reason than pride. Pride that I didn't need another human being, even though mom and dad were paying all my bills. Pride that I was "normal," even when though my dysfunction induced panic attacks. Pride that I could be a better person than my parents, even though they raised me to respect and love others. If I did these types of things with my immediate family, you can bet that my extended family wasn't even on the radar. So for years I didn't really think twice about Eddie, my uncle, or anyone beyond me. And until last summer I didn't even realize how much that's affected me, or how much I've lost.
Last summer, on July 5, just days after returning to Afghanistan from leave, my cousin Eddie was killed. He was a little over a month shy of his 19th birthday. That certainly is tragic, but I found myself really broke up about it. "Why?," I kept asking myself. "Why are you so sad?" I didn't even really remember Eddie as more than a hyper six year old. It wasn't until after his funeral that I finally realized why.
Eddie impacted so many people. I only found this out by listening to stories told at his funeral. He was always the person who would listen to people's problems. He was always the one who desired to help those who needed help. He constantly put others ahead of himself. It's why he joined a scouting unit when he joined the military. He wanted to make sure that others were safe at the cost of his own safety and comfort. He helped kids as a counselor at Camp Pokamoke. He was loved, and treasured, by all who knew him well. He was a good man.
As I stood in a parlor at my uncle's house, I realized why I mourned his loss. It wasn't because I knew him well. It was because I didn't know him well, and I wish that I had. I jumped to conclusions about him even with the little that knew about him. I wrote him off, and honestly, even though he was eleven years my junior I could have learned a lot from him. Edwin Wood will always be a hero. Not because of a battle, or even the way he died. But because of the life he lived. Eddie lived a life worthy to be called a Christ follower, which I've heard, he was. I look forward to one day telling him I'm sorry, and to shaking his hand for being the type of person I wish I could always be.
This entry is going to be an emotional one for me. You see, on Monday I also went to my uncle's house. It's an amazing house in North Omaha that he purchased a little under a year ago. It was pretty run down and he's done a lot of really neat work to it. It looks absolutely amazing. It wasn't just the carpentry and paint that left me speechless though.
I guess I should start with a little back story. Every once and a while, when I was in high school, we would go to Omaha (from Atkinson) and visit my uncle Tom. When we'd arrive we'd be greeted by Tom and this precocious little red-headed kid. That kid was my cousin Eddie. He was so full of energy, and by energy I mean "power Vegas for a century" type energy. This may sound horrible, but in my teenage coolness, I found it annoying. I probably forgot what it was like to be six years old, or maybe I was just too cool for school. I don't know. I just remember not wanting to be there, or wanting desperately to not be hanging out with someone either way older or way younger than me. It came down to nothing more than me being immature.
It's when I look back on things like this that I wish I was more like my father. My dad is awesome when it comes to kids. It doesn't even matter who's kids they are. It doesn't matter how annoying, hyper, or crazy they are, he just patiently loves on them. It's one of the major examples that I can think of for seeing how Jesus is lived out through a person. I can still see my dad messing around with Eddie, just goofing around. I'm pretty sure that it seemed like a lot of fun. And yet, I still couldn't get out of my own way to see the amazing person that Eddie was becoming.
For a lot of years I lost track of family. And it was for no other reason than pride. Pride that I didn't need another human being, even though mom and dad were paying all my bills. Pride that I was "normal," even when though my dysfunction induced panic attacks. Pride that I could be a better person than my parents, even though they raised me to respect and love others. If I did these types of things with my immediate family, you can bet that my extended family wasn't even on the radar. So for years I didn't really think twice about Eddie, my uncle, or anyone beyond me. And until last summer I didn't even realize how much that's affected me, or how much I've lost.
Last summer, on July 5, just days after returning to Afghanistan from leave, my cousin Eddie was killed. He was a little over a month shy of his 19th birthday. That certainly is tragic, but I found myself really broke up about it. "Why?," I kept asking myself. "Why are you so sad?" I didn't even really remember Eddie as more than a hyper six year old. It wasn't until after his funeral that I finally realized why.
Eddie impacted so many people. I only found this out by listening to stories told at his funeral. He was always the person who would listen to people's problems. He was always the one who desired to help those who needed help. He constantly put others ahead of himself. It's why he joined a scouting unit when he joined the military. He wanted to make sure that others were safe at the cost of his own safety and comfort. He helped kids as a counselor at Camp Pokamoke. He was loved, and treasured, by all who knew him well. He was a good man.
As I stood in a parlor at my uncle's house, I realized why I mourned his loss. It wasn't because I knew him well. It was because I didn't know him well, and I wish that I had. I jumped to conclusions about him even with the little that knew about him. I wrote him off, and honestly, even though he was eleven years my junior I could have learned a lot from him. Edwin Wood will always be a hero. Not because of a battle, or even the way he died. But because of the life he lived. Eddie lived a life worthy to be called a Christ follower, which I've heard, he was. I look forward to one day telling him I'm sorry, and to shaking his hand for being the type of person I wish I could always be.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Comfortability
That's right. I'm following up a post titled "Uncomfortability" with another post titled "Comfortability." That's just how I roll.
For the past couple of weeks my in-laws have been in town. It's nice to get to hang out with them, even if it's just to watch a TV show or a round of golf. I liked having them around, and not just because my mother-in-law made my daughter's room look awesome. I may not have acted like I enjoyed the company a lot at the time, but I did enjoy it. I know I was probably a jerk sometimes, but it's only because I like routine. I like having my space and my time, and doing what I want with it. It's too bad that I live on a planet with people.
I think that's why I really enjoy showering. It's really one of the only places where you can truly be alone. The shower is one of the best places to think and reflect. And that's usually what I do.
I challenged myself some time ago to spend that time praying to God and meditating on life. As I sat in my shower today I realized that I hadn't been doing that lately. I can't give any reason other than laziness. I'm pretty sure my thinking was that I had been so "generous" with my space that I unconsciously started hoarding my own time. I didn't want to spend precious moments doing other things than what I wanted to do, and the first thing to go was my morning time talking to and praising God. You know what? I realized that over the past two weeks I've missed a lot of opportunities. Opportunities to thank Him for great things He's placed in my life. The form of a tiny foot kicking my hand through my wife's stomach, a father-in-law who is as wise as he is gracious, a house that keeps us cool in the summer and warm in the winter, and the list could go on.
Our human thinking tells us that comfort is the best place for us to be. When I look at people in the Bible, none of them accomplished anything by God letting them hang in a posh, non-sacrificing life. It's sad that sometimes the only way we find how much we love those little things in life is when we have to be in the pit of discomfort. The more I think about it, even with comfortable people in your life, discomfort is there to make us realize what we have.
My prayer for you and for me as we head into this weekend is that you take a little bit of time, thank God for not keeping you comfortable (or maybe to make you uncomfortable), and rest in your discomfort.
For the past couple of weeks my in-laws have been in town. It's nice to get to hang out with them, even if it's just to watch a TV show or a round of golf. I liked having them around, and not just because my mother-in-law made my daughter's room look awesome. I may not have acted like I enjoyed the company a lot at the time, but I did enjoy it. I know I was probably a jerk sometimes, but it's only because I like routine. I like having my space and my time, and doing what I want with it. It's too bad that I live on a planet with people.
I think that's why I really enjoy showering. It's really one of the only places where you can truly be alone. The shower is one of the best places to think and reflect. And that's usually what I do.
I challenged myself some time ago to spend that time praying to God and meditating on life. As I sat in my shower today I realized that I hadn't been doing that lately. I can't give any reason other than laziness. I'm pretty sure my thinking was that I had been so "generous" with my space that I unconsciously started hoarding my own time. I didn't want to spend precious moments doing other things than what I wanted to do, and the first thing to go was my morning time talking to and praising God. You know what? I realized that over the past two weeks I've missed a lot of opportunities. Opportunities to thank Him for great things He's placed in my life. The form of a tiny foot kicking my hand through my wife's stomach, a father-in-law who is as wise as he is gracious, a house that keeps us cool in the summer and warm in the winter, and the list could go on.
Our human thinking tells us that comfort is the best place for us to be. When I look at people in the Bible, none of them accomplished anything by God letting them hang in a posh, non-sacrificing life. It's sad that sometimes the only way we find how much we love those little things in life is when we have to be in the pit of discomfort. The more I think about it, even with comfortable people in your life, discomfort is there to make us realize what we have.
My prayer for you and for me as we head into this weekend is that you take a little bit of time, thank God for not keeping you comfortable (or maybe to make you uncomfortable), and rest in your discomfort.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Uncomfortability
Growing isn't easy. Anyone who tells you different is selling something. Anyone who's out of puberty can tell you that growing is downright painful at times. And I'm not just talking about "relationships" falling apart, or your ideal boy/girlfriend getting a significant other (I'm still waiting for Kelly Kapowski to ask me out). I remember coming home from cross country or track practice and having my legs just absolutely ache after a long run. I used to think that the long runs were the culprit, but then I'd get the same aches on days where I did absolutely no running. It turns out getting longer makes your bones hurt. Who knew growing at an astonishing rate could actually cause physical pain?
I bring up this painful adolescent memory because it's how I feel about today's post. I couldn't, for the longest time this morning, figure out how I was going to write this post. Maybe it's that I don't have as firm a grasp on the concept of forgiveness as I thought I did. Maybe it's that the Old Testament has some wacky ideas about forgiveness. I don't think the latter is true. Our God is unchanging, so it stands to reason that in His forgiveness He is unchanging also, but the modes change. Well, let me let you read it for yourselves and you'll see what I mean. Exodus 34:6-7:
6 Then the LORD passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth;
7 who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives (nasah; Heb. to life, carry, take) iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.”
It really doesn't seem like an all that forgiving passage. Doesn't forgiving mean letting go of the wrongdoing? I struggled to come up with a good lesson from that. So basically, God will forgive you, but don't test Him for too long or your kids and their kids will pay the price. Amen! Good blog. Thanks for reading!
Just kidding. I couldn't bring the above section of Scripture in line with what I know about God. I couldn't justify believing in a God who says He's patient and in the very next sentence seems vindictive. Thankfully, that's why God puts His words in context, always in context. If you go back to Exodus 20:5 you find this:
5 You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me,
Got it now? No? There's a formula here. God is giving Moses the Ten Commandments to then give to the nation of Israel. This verse is part of the second commandment which states that they were not to worship any idol. By the way, it was preceded by "You shall have no other gods before me." And this is what God goes on to say in verse 6 of chapter 20:
6 but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
Does that sound familiar? It should because it's exactly what God says in chapter 34. So why the repetition? Well, you have to realize what happened in the chapters between Exodus 20 and 34.
Moses goes up to hear from God. He doesn't come back for six weeks. He's up there getting The Law, but the people are getting nervous. Moses comes down off the mountain (at God's prompting) to find that Israel has melted down their gold and started worshiping a golden calf idol. Moses breaks the tablets that hold the commandments and they move on from Mt. Sinai, but God does not go among them. He meets only with Moses inside of a tent outside of the main Israelite camp. A little later on God commands Moses to carve out two more tablets. That's a huge paraphrase of what was happening. It's a huge story with lots of challenging lessons mixed in over and over again.
This is where the pain sets in for me. The growing pain, I mean. My God is unconditionally forgiving. But He's also unconditionally just. He's ever patient, but also jealous. He wants us to follow after Him, to listen to Him, to be changed by Him. One of my favorite Hebrew words is in those verses. We know it as lovingkindness. In Hebrew it's chesed. It literally means goodness/kindness, but of the persistent type. It never ends. He is forever good, and this word is found littered throughout the OT in describing God. And yet, if I use me as a standard "visiting iniquity to the third and fourth generations" doesn't seem that good. That's why I'm not the standard.
Goodness doesn't necessarily mean letting people off with no consequences. Especially those who feel they're entitled to forgiveness. Goodness sometimes means letting people feel the full weight of their sin. Man, I hate that sentence. I hate feeling the weight of what I've brought on myself, and yet, sometimes that's what we need in order to see His goodness. I know how backwards that sounds. Sometimes His goodness can only be expressed by making us come to the end of ourselves. Sometimes He has to destroy in order to rebuild. I love how that little part of Exodus 34 ends. Moses realizes what God is saying, and makes this profound plea for his people:
8 Moses made haste to bow low toward the earth and worship.
9 He said," If now I have found favor in Your sight, O Lord, I pray, let the Lord go along in our midst, even though the people are obstinate, and pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us as Your own possession."
I hope I can remember that prayer in the middle of my failings. I know that in spite of my obstinance, God forgives. I hope that I let Him take me as His own possession. No matter what pain comes my way, He's the only One who can soothe the ache.
I bring up this painful adolescent memory because it's how I feel about today's post. I couldn't, for the longest time this morning, figure out how I was going to write this post. Maybe it's that I don't have as firm a grasp on the concept of forgiveness as I thought I did. Maybe it's that the Old Testament has some wacky ideas about forgiveness. I don't think the latter is true. Our God is unchanging, so it stands to reason that in His forgiveness He is unchanging also, but the modes change. Well, let me let you read it for yourselves and you'll see what I mean. Exodus 34:6-7:
6 Then the LORD passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth;
7 who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives (nasah; Heb. to life, carry, take) iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.”
It really doesn't seem like an all that forgiving passage. Doesn't forgiving mean letting go of the wrongdoing? I struggled to come up with a good lesson from that. So basically, God will forgive you, but don't test Him for too long or your kids and their kids will pay the price. Amen! Good blog. Thanks for reading!
Just kidding. I couldn't bring the above section of Scripture in line with what I know about God. I couldn't justify believing in a God who says He's patient and in the very next sentence seems vindictive. Thankfully, that's why God puts His words in context, always in context. If you go back to Exodus 20:5 you find this:
5 You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me,
Got it now? No? There's a formula here. God is giving Moses the Ten Commandments to then give to the nation of Israel. This verse is part of the second commandment which states that they were not to worship any idol. By the way, it was preceded by "You shall have no other gods before me." And this is what God goes on to say in verse 6 of chapter 20:
6 but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
Does that sound familiar? It should because it's exactly what God says in chapter 34. So why the repetition? Well, you have to realize what happened in the chapters between Exodus 20 and 34.
Moses goes up to hear from God. He doesn't come back for six weeks. He's up there getting The Law, but the people are getting nervous. Moses comes down off the mountain (at God's prompting) to find that Israel has melted down their gold and started worshiping a golden calf idol. Moses breaks the tablets that hold the commandments and they move on from Mt. Sinai, but God does not go among them. He meets only with Moses inside of a tent outside of the main Israelite camp. A little later on God commands Moses to carve out two more tablets. That's a huge paraphrase of what was happening. It's a huge story with lots of challenging lessons mixed in over and over again.
This is where the pain sets in for me. The growing pain, I mean. My God is unconditionally forgiving. But He's also unconditionally just. He's ever patient, but also jealous. He wants us to follow after Him, to listen to Him, to be changed by Him. One of my favorite Hebrew words is in those verses. We know it as lovingkindness. In Hebrew it's chesed. It literally means goodness/kindness, but of the persistent type. It never ends. He is forever good, and this word is found littered throughout the OT in describing God. And yet, if I use me as a standard "visiting iniquity to the third and fourth generations" doesn't seem that good. That's why I'm not the standard.
Goodness doesn't necessarily mean letting people off with no consequences. Especially those who feel they're entitled to forgiveness. Goodness sometimes means letting people feel the full weight of their sin. Man, I hate that sentence. I hate feeling the weight of what I've brought on myself, and yet, sometimes that's what we need in order to see His goodness. I know how backwards that sounds. Sometimes His goodness can only be expressed by making us come to the end of ourselves. Sometimes He has to destroy in order to rebuild. I love how that little part of Exodus 34 ends. Moses realizes what God is saying, and makes this profound plea for his people:
8 Moses made haste to bow low toward the earth and worship.
9 He said," If now I have found favor in Your sight, O Lord, I pray, let the Lord go along in our midst, even though the people are obstinate, and pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us as Your own possession."
I hope I can remember that prayer in the middle of my failings. I know that in spite of my obstinance, God forgives. I hope that I let Him take me as His own possession. No matter what pain comes my way, He's the only One who can soothe the ache.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Not Really Worthy
I had a whole post typed out today. It was mostly just complaining. You see, I'm in a terrible mood today. No rhyme, no reason. Just felt like making every one else miserable today.
I was driving to get something healthy to eat for lunch. On my way to Hardy's, I came up behind my favorite type of person, the slow left lane driver. Words uttered forth from my mouth pertaining to what I thought about this particular driver. They were not nice. Funny thing is I was listening to my iPod at that very instant, and only moments before I had been singing along to Needtobreathe. The line that I had just sang was:
Let the songs I sing bring joy to You
Let the words I say confess my love
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune
Father, let my heart be after You
While this line isn't really pertaining to our interactions with others, it IS a prayer from the bottom of my heart. I immediately realized why slow left lane driver was doing what they were doing. They were apprehensive of a semi in the right lane. I remember my mom saying when I was a kid, "I hate passing semi's. They're always so scary." Maybe SLLD (that's right, feel free to use that) had a similar fear. Even if it wasn't a fear of semi's, I don't know their story. Who knows why they're driving that way? It's really just irrelevant. I was just impatient and was inconvenienced for an extra minute and a half. If that person could know who I am, and what I do, and what expletive I had just used to describe them, what would they think of Jesus.
My next thought was, "Ugh. I am not worthy to represent You. I am so sorry." Great sentiment, but you know what happened next? I went home and treated everybody in my basement (my wife and in-laws who are visiting) like junk. The shame didn't last long.
I spent the better part of this afternoon struggling with this. Like I said, I had a whole post typed out. It was going to just rail against all sorts of things. But none of it had anything to do with that brief minute where God let me see what I was really doing to those who were around me. I was just going to complain about all the things that were pissing me off today, and, oh well, maybe God's going to make something great out of it.
God already made a profound statement today, trouble is I didn't want to really be changed by it. I'm not really worthy to be identified with Him. I don't deserve that. And yet He identifies me as His. Even when I don't live up to the great Name that calls me.
Father, let my heart be after You.
I was driving to get something healthy to eat for lunch. On my way to Hardy's, I came up behind my favorite type of person, the slow left lane driver. Words uttered forth from my mouth pertaining to what I thought about this particular driver. They were not nice. Funny thing is I was listening to my iPod at that very instant, and only moments before I had been singing along to Needtobreathe. The line that I had just sang was:
Let the songs I sing bring joy to You
Let the words I say confess my love
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune
Father, let my heart be after You
While this line isn't really pertaining to our interactions with others, it IS a prayer from the bottom of my heart. I immediately realized why slow left lane driver was doing what they were doing. They were apprehensive of a semi in the right lane. I remember my mom saying when I was a kid, "I hate passing semi's. They're always so scary." Maybe SLLD (that's right, feel free to use that) had a similar fear. Even if it wasn't a fear of semi's, I don't know their story. Who knows why they're driving that way? It's really just irrelevant. I was just impatient and was inconvenienced for an extra minute and a half. If that person could know who I am, and what I do, and what expletive I had just used to describe them, what would they think of Jesus.
My next thought was, "Ugh. I am not worthy to represent You. I am so sorry." Great sentiment, but you know what happened next? I went home and treated everybody in my basement (my wife and in-laws who are visiting) like junk. The shame didn't last long.
I spent the better part of this afternoon struggling with this. Like I said, I had a whole post typed out. It was going to just rail against all sorts of things. But none of it had anything to do with that brief minute where God let me see what I was really doing to those who were around me. I was just going to complain about all the things that were pissing me off today, and, oh well, maybe God's going to make something great out of it.
God already made a profound statement today, trouble is I didn't want to really be changed by it. I'm not really worthy to be identified with Him. I don't deserve that. And yet He identifies me as His. Even when I don't live up to the great Name that calls me.
Father, let my heart be after You.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Old Ways
I used to have this awesome chair. It was a leather office chair I got from my father-in-law that was a little torn up. It had a hole worn in one of the arm rests and the stuffing was spilling out, and it tilted a little to the right when you weren't sitting in it. But it was probably the best chair that I've ever owned. Many a late night was spent "pwning n00bs" in that chair. Plenty of last minute and not-so-last-minute papers were written from its comfy, leathery goodness. I should mention that Jan hated owning that chair. Maybe that's an overstatement, but she certainly didn't want to keep it.
I was rather stubborn when it came to that chair. So much so that we ended up hauling it from Phoenix all the way to Omaha when we moved here almost three years ago. For the last little bit it sat in our basement not really being used. To be honest I don't even remember when we got rid of it. I remember it being difficult to get rid of though. It's moments like that where I feel like if I didn't have Jan in my life I would be a future participant on the show "Hoarders."
Why all the reminiscing about a chair? Well, because I feel like I'm sliding back into a comfortable old chair. A chair that I've wanted to take to the dump for a while, but keep going back to the dumpster to dig out and use over and over again regardless of where it's been.
It's really funny (not ha-ha) how quickly you can fall back into old patterns. Sometimes it's triggered by things you can't control, like a death in the family, or someone perpetrating some sort of injustice against you. But more often than not it's just us getting lazy and going back to something comfortable. When I started this blog a little under a month ago I was really gung-ho about this whole being more forgiving thing. My attitude was better. I was seeing people in a new light. I felt (as much as I hate using that word right now) like I was heading down the path God would want me to take. But...
Well, I don't "feel" that way any more. It "feels" better to be a curmudgeon. It "feels" better to hold that grudge for even the slightest of offenses. It "feels" better to get my way. You know what's funny (again, not ha-ha)? Those Hebrew and Greek words that I've been looking up have been trying to tell me the sustained forgiveness story. Words like "permit," and "carry away" are seeming to get mixed in with my own form of forgiveness. Which really isn't forgiveness at all. My forgiveness looks more like "let it go for now, but I'll surely bring it back up when I can get something out of it."
I guess God put this blog on my heart to make sure that I'd be accountable. Sure there are plenty of people that I could meet with off the interwebz, but nothing holds you true to a course than knowing that people will read your blog AND see you in real life. I guess that's why I wrote this post. So you all would know that even though the blog is new, the pattern isn't. It's digging through the dumpster of life when there's so much more to experience.
Really, no one's going to think that a ratty, old chair is the most comfortable chair ever. And even if it is, that doesn't mean that it needs to stick around. There are better places to rest.
I was rather stubborn when it came to that chair. So much so that we ended up hauling it from Phoenix all the way to Omaha when we moved here almost three years ago. For the last little bit it sat in our basement not really being used. To be honest I don't even remember when we got rid of it. I remember it being difficult to get rid of though. It's moments like that where I feel like if I didn't have Jan in my life I would be a future participant on the show "Hoarders."
Why all the reminiscing about a chair? Well, because I feel like I'm sliding back into a comfortable old chair. A chair that I've wanted to take to the dump for a while, but keep going back to the dumpster to dig out and use over and over again regardless of where it's been.
It's really funny (not ha-ha) how quickly you can fall back into old patterns. Sometimes it's triggered by things you can't control, like a death in the family, or someone perpetrating some sort of injustice against you. But more often than not it's just us getting lazy and going back to something comfortable. When I started this blog a little under a month ago I was really gung-ho about this whole being more forgiving thing. My attitude was better. I was seeing people in a new light. I felt (as much as I hate using that word right now) like I was heading down the path God would want me to take. But...
Well, I don't "feel" that way any more. It "feels" better to be a curmudgeon. It "feels" better to hold that grudge for even the slightest of offenses. It "feels" better to get my way. You know what's funny (again, not ha-ha)? Those Hebrew and Greek words that I've been looking up have been trying to tell me the sustained forgiveness story. Words like "permit," and "carry away" are seeming to get mixed in with my own form of forgiveness. Which really isn't forgiveness at all. My forgiveness looks more like "let it go for now, but I'll surely bring it back up when I can get something out of it."
I guess God put this blog on my heart to make sure that I'd be accountable. Sure there are plenty of people that I could meet with off the interwebz, but nothing holds you true to a course than knowing that people will read your blog AND see you in real life. I guess that's why I wrote this post. So you all would know that even though the blog is new, the pattern isn't. It's digging through the dumpster of life when there's so much more to experience.
Really, no one's going to think that a ratty, old chair is the most comfortable chair ever. And even if it is, that doesn't mean that it needs to stick around. There are better places to rest.
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